You're only a real fashion blogger if...

You have pastel hair 

Source 

We fashion bloggers account for at least 80% of Bleach London's profit margin. Fact : Blondes do not have more fun than Aqua Marines.

You eat macaroons on a daily basis

Source 

And instagram them on a floral plate of some description with a coyly placed designer item or two in the corner.

You own a clear plastic clutch

Source

So you can showcase your white iPhone 5, Mac lipstick in Russian Red, a pair of reflective sunglasses and maybe a packet of macaroons to the whole world!

You have a cat

Source

Don't even ask me why, it's just a rule. Also make sure to put the phrase "cat lover" in your bios on blogger/tumblr/twitter/write it across your forehead in Sharpie.

Your only posts on Instagram contain the words "link in bio" 

My Instagram (@paigeoffashion)

Or "new on the blog" for that matter.

You have nightmares about HTML

Source

Need I explain myself?

You have a boyfriend that is a professional photographer 

Source

Because let's be honest, you could never get that result with a tripod and your iPhone. The only other profession acceptable for a fashion blogger's significant other is perhaps a Parisian baker that has a steady supply of macaroons.

You understand and practice the art that is #fblogger language

"Just got my photographer bf to take a picture of me on the frow in my diffusion line co-ord. Totes uploading this to insta ... #lfw #AW14 #OOTD #eek"

You have forgotten how to look at the camera when having your picture taken

Source: Own OOTD

It gives a mysterious look to your pictures, right? Plus, it hides uneven eyeliner.

You find "fashpiration" literally everywhere 

Oh a lampost with an artsy sticker on it *picture*! Mildly inspirational, occasionally offensive graffitti *picture*! Old book *picture*! Dog turd *picture*!

You purposely buy a few more items so that you can title a post "haul" 

and if you can't buy more then you add the word "mini" to the beginning of the title and all is good again.

You have holes in your jeans 

Another picture from my Instagram...

because fabric that is not distressed is not fashion blogger enough

So if you don't do all these things, please kindly remove yourself from the world of fashion blogging. You can't sit with us.

Bethany Paige X

Disclaimer: I'm sure you've all realised already, but this post was written with as many doses of sarcasm as there are macaroons in the blogging world (and as we've established, that's a lot).